Recently, whilst participating in a Facebook forum meant to have been created for parents, by parents, I had the unfortunate experience of engaging with someone whose method of response I found to be nothing short of well-articulated academic bullying.
So what’s so unusual about that you might ask?
Well I guess, in and of itself this person’s style of academic bullying may not be that unusual.
Nor if it were occurring in any other forum, necessarily a big deal.
But in a forum that’s meant to provide a safe place for parents of children with Autism to openly exchange information, discuss issues and share opinions, I found this persons method of response both confronting and out-of-place.
One of the aspects of this person’s response method I found particularly disturbing was that although I have two degrees, this person continually addressed me as if I, as both a parent and a mother, held no intellectual capacity what so ever.
I found this to be a highly unusual response approach. Especially considering that these responses were meant to have been coming from another parent.
I know that I, and many others, regardless of our academic or professional status, engage in parent forums first and for most as parents.
As such, we speak from our hearts and not as untouchable academics with text-book answers for everything (no matter how out of date that text-book may be).
Which is why I find that on the whole, most parents in these forums do as I do whenever they are confronted by an issue that they either do not agree with or do not understand.
They withhold criticism and accept that whatever the topic or the opinions expressed, (no matter how much you might disagree with them), they are still the valid views and experiences of another parent struggling to find peace within whatever given situation they may be dealing with.
As such they are treated with respect and dignity.
The responses therefore are usually ones of compassion; sprinkled with suggestions that other parents think might help.
So to come up against a person whose chosen response method was adversarial, showing little to no genuine degree of personal understanding, was somewhat unusual.
Feeling that something wasn’t quite right, I decided to scroll through the forum and read this person’s responses to other posts.
What I found was that not only did this person regularly offer the same form of detached academic response over and over again, but that some of the parents within the forum seemed to be looking up to this person and taking their words and opinions, almost as gospel.
Another thing that struck me as being particularly odd was the fact, that in all of the person’s responses I’d read, they at no time made mention of, or even alluded too, actually having a child on the autism spectrum.
The most common phrases they used were “parents need to understand that autism isn’t about them” and “parents should put their child first”, “parents need to listen to fact”.
There were no, ‘as parents we need too,’ statements to be found only the detached and somewhat authoritative ‘parents should’ variety of commandments being issued forth.
This all seemed to ring just a little too strikingly familiar as it began reminding me of the Doctor/ God complex that I’ve encountered far too many times over the years in many of my sons specialists.
My ire had been piqued so I decided to check this person’s Facebook profile and guess what I found?
The person concerned is indeed a practicing psychologist and their Facebook page both promotes their clinic services and provides full contact details on how to make appointments with them.
And guess what area of practice they specialize in?
Now call me naive, but just when exactly did parent forums become the feeding grounds for professionals trolling for new clients?
No wonder I found this persons remarks and cold academic way of dealing with the concerns and situations of parents so detached and personally disturbing.
They were never responding as a parent, only ever as a professional.
So the next time you find yourself in a forum where something or someone just doesn’t feel right, listen to your gut instincts and check it out.
You may just be as surprised as I was by what you find.
- Parental rights and Autism… A much needed reality check. (seventhvoice.wordpress.com)
- Autism Diagnoses Rise Among U.S. Children, CDC Finds – Bloomberg (bloomberg.com)
- What does the Autism Spectrum look like? (mypicturedmoments.com)
- Judging books by their covers… (wonderfullywired.wordpress.com)
- Autism in Nepal (sujenman.wordpress.com)
- Parents of individuals with Autism, I salute you! (learningneverstops.wordpress.com)