Not so long ago I discovered that a 16-year-old that I know had begun dating, and is now living with, a 31-year-old.
The 31-year-old is a social worker who routinely deals with vulnerable youth at risk as part of their daily activities.
Yet, despite the 31-year-old’s employer implicitly knowing that one of their adult workers is engaged in a sexual affair with a minor, (as all such actions have to be reported), the employer still allows the 31-year-old to maintain their position.
The reason being it seems, is that everything is hunky dory from a legal perspective because the “relationship” has been given the green light by the parents of 16-year-old concerned.
Personally I find the trifecta of the age gap involved, the position the 31-year-old holds as a social worker and the parent’s consent for their 16-year-old child/young adult to live with their 31 year old lover, extremely troubling.
Don’t most adults normally get thrown in jail for having sex with a minor?
At the very least don’t such actions normally see them marked as ‘sex offenders‘ and placed on the ‘sex offenders list?
Or have I just been watching too many episodes of Law and Order for my own good?
What do you think?
Am I just being a bit of an old-fashioned ageist wowser here or do you think it’s genuinely okay for a 16-year-old to have an intimate relationship with a 31-year-old adult?
And under what circumstances do you think sex with a minor should become a morally legal issue?
That is wrong And in his line of work he should know it is wrong. He is double her age. A a social worker he should know this is wrong. He should know that at sixteen a child – because that is what she is – a child is going through sexual awareness and this should not be encouraged by the parents – allowing her to live with him or the social worker’s bosses – who should know this.
Either that or I am getting too old and old fashioned as well
I agree with you Alastair……If this is what happens when “new wave’ thinking comes into play then you can definitely call me an old fuddy duddy to.
I don’t think you’re being old fashion. Your views are of the new definition of sexual abuse. Young girls have been intimate with older men since the beginning of time. It wasn’t unheard of or even frowned upon for a girl of fourteen marrying the friend of the father. Today, we as woman find that it’s abusive because some girls aren’t ready for sexual relationships. We as mothers see our little girls with men we would date and don’t think they are ready. But this world we live in puts up do’s and don’t for us. They set up laws to protect the “innocent”. Is this sixteen year old ready for this gown up relationship. Maybe, maybe not. The fact that her parents and his supervisors are allowing in it to continue must mean they believe the young lady is mature enough for this relationship.
Either that or neither of them ( the family or the employer) truly care that much about the potential harm such a relationship may cause in the long run. Yes you are right that in days gone by young girls were often “encouraged”- if not sold- into relations with older male family friends. But I think we need to bare in mind that girls were treated like chattels and sold off accordingly. I wonder how many 14 year old girls actually had a choice in it as opposed to how many went with older men because they truly loved them? So I’m not sure to be honest with you, whether the romanticizing of a past in which women and girls held no rights provides any answers toward a situation in which there is a blatant abuse of power at play in a way that we all now, as a society, are supposed to collectively, consider to be morally wrong.
It is wrong. Period. When people turn their back to God and make up their own rules about life there will always be this confusion and uncertaInty.
In some parts of the USA it is legal for a 16 year old to marry a much older man with parents consent.
I’m appalled a SOCIAL WORKER dealing with VULNERABLE youth is dating and living with a 16 year old. It doesn’t matter to me what the gender of either is-it’s the fact a person in a position of power (relatively speaking) is misusing that to have a “relationship” with someone not even a legal adult yet. It’s unethical. It’s disturbing that the parents agreed to the two being together. Furthermore, it’s disturbing that the social worker’s employer thinks it’s okay. What happened to the social worker’s CODE OF ETHICS? I studied social work in university and under no circumstance were we to engage sexually with a client. Maybe the 16 year old wasn’t his client but I don’t care. I still think his position means he should have enough integrity to refrain from behaving unethically. His behaviour makes me wonder how ethical he is with his clients, considering they’re in the age range of his ‘girlfriend’.
You said it! For me, it is less about the age and more about the power dynamic. As an adult,i have dated men with that sort of age gap, but they didn’t have a position of power l like this. Fact of the matter is,, she’s still young and impressionable. His job is to help mold young people like her. How much of this is true feeling and how much manipulation (whether well-intentioned or otherwise)?
Sadly non of them things happen if the child is 16 as its the legal age! Saying that I’m by no way saying I agree. I like you am shocked at the parents approval and the fact this is a social worker makes it worse… I don’t think they should therefore still be empolyed
I’ve reblogged this on a boy with Aspergers
When I was in high school one of the girls in my class had an older boyfriend and her parents allowed him to sleep with their daughter at their house. I remember telling my mother and she was appalled – would of never happened in my house. That young lady wasn’t ready for that kind of relationship and usually when older me date woman that young – control issues comes to mind. It may not be wrong because the law says it’s not wrong – doesn’t mean that there aren’t ethical and moral issues involved. Personally if I had a 16 year old daughter I would be encouraging her to be keep her mind open and to focus on her education – not settling down with an old man..
This is tragic on so many levels. Everyone involved is complicit in pedophilia.
I totally agree….. I still can’t understand how or why those involved seem to be so OK with it.
It is wrong though here in the UK it would be considered perfectly legal as 16 is the age of consent, the one thing I would say is that the girls home life must have been questionable in the first place after all with the exception of the odd film star or popstar most 16 years olds would consider a 31 year old as ancient and think it disgusting to consider anything physical with them, it would suggest she is looking for a father figure something which in his line of work he should recognise