Asperger’s Syndrome in Women – Different not less

Art by Igor Mudrov

Art by Igor Mudrov

I have noticed that whenever women with Asperger’s Syndrome try to speak up and share the fact that they often experience greater levels of discrimination,

medically, in terms of receiving an accurate diagnosis at an early age and socially, in terms of having their diagnosis recognized and understood by others,

they are also often accused of suggesting that men with Asperger’s Syndrome must therefore, somehow,  have an easier life.

This is simply not the case and it irks me so that women with AS,

who seek simply to share their truths,

are so consistently having the validity of the expression of their own personal experiences

twisted and therefore,

disregarded in such a way.

Women with Asperger’s Syndrome  – Different not Less.

 

Why I will never be an Autistic “Warrior Mom”

Originally posted on Sonnolenta... A Neurodivergent Journey:

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Image description: Rainbow diagonal stripes with white text that reads: “Remember: The way you treat Autistic adults now is how you are telling the world to treat your own Autistic children.” Red colored heart at center bottom of image. SOURCE

My Son just turned twelve, and is currently going through the diagnostic process for Autism/ADHD and Sensory Processing Disorder. We’ve just started this journey. Having a light shining onto his differences has made me appreciate how unique he is even more. I’m not a “warrior mom”. I don’t want to “kick autism’s ass”. Autism is not a disease. It’s not something that I can remove from my Son like some sort of hackneyed exorcism. I am tired of the pathologization of Autism.

I don’t want to change him, fix him, or force him to be “normal”, and I refuse to teach him that he has to do this in order to be…

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Autism – Absurdities and Atrocities

Artwork by JudasArt

Artwork by JudasArt

Voltaire once wrote: “ Those who can induce you to believe in absurdities, can induce you to commit atrocities.”

Nowhere is this statement more relevant than when looking at the many perceptions of the causes of Autism.

For example, consider the following two statements regarding Autism.

  • People with Autism experience the world differently due to the impacts of a disease process. This disease process can be cured. Therefore Autism is a condition that we, as a society, have a duty to either eradicate or overcome.

  • People with Autism experience the world differently due to neurological variances that are hard-wired within them at birth. Autism is not the result of a disease process which can be cured. Therefore Autism is an aspect of life that we, as a society, have a duty to seek to understand, respect and accommodate.

Which of the above statements do you believe to be the least absurd?

If you agree that the first statement is the least absurd and therefore, (in your eyes, most likely to be true), then chances are that you will do and try almost anything to either cure or rid yourself or your child of Autism.

The past 50 years have shown that attempts to cure “the autism” out of a child or an adult have had disastrous results.

Yet attempts to cure “the autism” out of a child or adult continue. Some involve relatively harmless and repetitive therapies that do appear to help assimilation.

However, some attempts involve subjecting children and adults with Autism to debilitating, humiliating and ultimately mentally and physically harmful forms of abuse.

Such as forcing persons with Autism to drink bleach, delivering painful punishments, such as kicking, punching, whipping or starvation, to persons with Autism for displaying undesirable behaviors or subjecting them to intense isolation and deprivation of liberty by locking them in rooms or cages.

All of which should be considered crimes against humanity and therefore seen as atrocities.

If you agree that the second statement  is the least absurd and therefore, ( in your eyes), the most likely to be true, then chances are that you will do and try everything you can to be better understand and accommodate for either your own or your child’s Autism.

Over the last 50 years the voices of those with Autism have continuously cried out for understanding and acceptance.

A key aspect of accepting the potential that children and adults with Autism process the world differently involves making the attempt to understand what those differences are, how they impact the individual with Autism and then accommodating for them respectfully.

Accepting and making accommodations for adults and children with Autism , whether that be providing them with safe, quiet places , pressure blankets, clothing without tags, or specialized educational programs, is both respectful and beneficial.

The practice of providing acceptance, respect and accommodation breaks no laws, perpetrates no crimes against humanity and therefore does not induce anyone to commit atrocities.

I prefer statement 2.

How about you?

P.S  I am aware that some may argue the possibility of a third statement in which Autism could be considered a curable disease whose sufferers should be treated with both consideration and respect whilst they are experiencing its disease effects. However, the propensity of those who support statement 1 toward the overall aim of ‘curing autism’ places many adults with Autism, who not only accept their differences but are increasingly proud of them, at odds with such beliefs.

Aspergirls and Emotions – why she is always misunderstood as being cold and aloof

Originally posted on Naming The Stars:

It is a common misconception that Aspergirls do not feel any emotions. I dispute that myth completely and utterly. Aspergirls are actually the most sensitive, loving and caring creatures ever to walk this planet. So how is it that we constantly get so badly misconstrued as being cold, aloof, stand-offish and heartless?

Firstly, we struggle to express ourselves, particularly verbally. We may have a raging torrent of sadness inside us when we see someone hurting. We may have hearts filled with joy when we see someone overwhelmed with happiness. We may feel irrational anger when someone we care about is wronged. But can we put any of that into words? Can we boot. As a result, we are seen as heartless, emotionless and as though we feel we are above everything else, when really we are shouting our feelings deep inside our heart – it is just that other people…

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As I see it – Society treats males with Aspergers Syndrome differently to females with Aspergers Syndrome

Art work by Elena Vizeskya

Art work by Elena Vizeskya

I know there are many male Aspies who feel that there are no differences between their experiences of Asperger’s Syndrome and women’s experiences of Asperger’s Syndrome.

On one level I understand this realm of thought because essentially, if you’re only talking about the way in which we experience being socially overwhelmed, yet at the same time feel socially isolated, or being constantly misunderstood, or socially awkward and confused, then, yes these feelings/experiences are the same.

However, where they differ, is the way in which these experiences are being both understood and accommodated for by others and the consequences of that.

In simple terms, women can never truly know what it feel like to experience all of the social expectations that being a male of the species involves just as males can never truly know what it feels like to experience all of the social expectations that being a female involves.

In most areas of life this male/female binary differentiation is understood, accepted and endlessly theorized over as to how it came about.

Yet somehow, when it comes to the experience of living a life with Asperger’s Syndrome within a society in which it is already well recognised that this gender division impacts on such things as financial outcomes, employment opportunities, and still in many areas of the world, civil rights, let alone personal subjective experiences, some still seem to insist that women with Asperger’s Syndrome must experience their Asperger’s Syndrome in the same ways that males do.

From my experience this is simply not true.

My brother, for example, has always been excused from attending family occasions, a friend’s party or any form of public gathering, without a word of criticism.

More often than not, other family members can be heard willingly offering up excuses for him. ‘Oh you know Al, that’s just the way he is. He’s never liked being around crowds (including being in a room with more than 4 family members at one time).

Yet, if I feel that I do not wish to or am unable to attend a family occasion, a friend’s party or any other form of public gathering to which I’ve been invited, I am bombarded by words of criticism.

‘Oh, she’s snubbing us’. ‘How rude of her not to bother to attend.’ ‘I suppose she thinks she’s too good to bother with us,’ or the good old ‘She’s always so disorganized’.

In this instance, both my brother and I may have the same reasons for not wanting to attend whatever it is we’ve been invited too, i.e., there will be too many people, too much noise or we’re feeling too personally overwhelmed to deal with a group of people we don’t know, or we’re afraid of being socially awkward – again, of we’re simply already worn out from having had to deal with other social occasions.

Yet despite the fact that we may choose not to attend these social gatherings for the same reasons, the judgements and criticisms of others towards us as individuals can be and are very different.

My brother doesn’t have to put up with being treated as if he has done something terribly wrong or highly offensive by others if h chooses not participate because of his Asperger’s.

Whereas I, on the other hand, due to my Asperger’s, am continuously being placed in a position in which my integrity as person and my loyalties as both a family member and a friend are constantly being questioned.

I believe that the only explanation for the disparity between the ways in which it’s seen as acceptable for my brother to avoid social gatherings, whilst I experience being berated for the same behavioral need to avoid social gatherings, is gender.

He’s a guy, therefore its okay for him to not always want to be social.

I am a gal, I’m supposed to live for social occasions, to enjoy them, to want nothing more than to celebrate a reason to get all glammed up and engage in chit-chat.

Wrong.

I don’t enjoy social occasions, I don’t want to have to get glammed up just to stand around and have to try too hard to make small talk with people I may or may not know.

I am as socially awkward as my brother,( who incidentally is also never expected to get whatever the male version of ‘glammed up’ is), yet these facts are constantly being ignored and I think they’re being ignored simply because I’m a woman with Asperger’s Syndrome and apparently women with AS are supposed to be able to cope.

We’re supposed to be able to successfully mimic the social niceties of others so well that we can “pass ourselves off as being normal”.

And more than that, we’re also supposed to want to “pass as normal”.

It’s what we live for.

It’s what we take pride in.

Apparently there is no greater compliment for a woman with Asperger’s Syndrome than – “oh, I never would have thought there was anything ‘wrong/different’ about you. You don’t look/act like some with Asperger’s Syndrome.”

Wrong.

When it comes to Asperger’s Syndrome and gender, let me tell you that I hold as little interest in having to play the social game of ‘passing as normal’, as my brother has.

The key difference between us on this score is that only one of us is being accepted for the social differences/difficulties that our Asperger’s causes us, and it’s not me.

If you feel that you can offer up an explanation for this binary phenomenon between acceptance of the AS experience in a male, yet not in a female in the same family, other than gender of course, then I’d love to hear it.

Is Autism a Disability or a Difference ? BY Judy Endow

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“So many ideas in the larger autism community often become a debate. As an autistic this black-or-white, choose-your-side sort of thinking is very neurologically friendly to me. I like clear choices. But I also believe we are often unwittingly duped into believing we need to choose a side only because the idea is presented as a dichotomous choice.

“Is autism a disability or a difference?”is one of these questions posed as a dichotomous choice in the autism community. The way the question is posed gives the impression that there is one correct answer.

When Autism is a “Difference”

Many autistic adults would like if autism were recognized as a difference rather than a disability. Many in this group are the walking, talking autistics. We can go out in public by ourselves. Some of us are parents. We are your friends, neighbors and co-workers. We might seem to be a bit odd, but we can fit in enough to at least be allowed a place in the world at large.

Even so, being out and about in the community poses significant challenges. The sensory overload and neurological processing differences dictated by our brain along with ever present challenges with communication and conventional social understanding are such significant differences, even though we can accommodate for them, we are usually exhausted from doing so by the end of the day.

It seems to me that when we are able to be out and about in our communities unassisted by a hired person we are often expected to look and act like typical people regardless of the challenges imposed by the neurological difference of our autism. Because we appear to be like others, our difficulties and needs are thought to be our own personal problems. Even though we have an Autism Spectrum Disorder diagnosis that by definition means we have significant difficulties in many areas of life, others often look at us and ascribe negative intentionality and character flaws to us.

When Autism is a “Disability”

For some of us, the way our autism plays out in our body means we are faced with numerous obstacles to overcome every day of our lives. We may need communication devices, occupational therapy equipment and to employ personal care workers. For those of us whose autism presents challenges with these kinds of needs – we understand the disability aspect of our autism.

We often need a hired person to accompany us when we go out into the community or to support us so that we can communicate. In fact, we may require 24/7 support staff. And for some, our autism plays out in our body in such a way that people can see it as we approach! For us, people can see we need help. Rarely do others look at us and attribute our difficulties to laziness, lack of motivation, self-centeredness or any other negative character trait.

But because our autism is so visibly noticed along with the significant support we often need, people make other sorts of assumptions about us. Our needs are so obvious that people do not always consider that we also have strengths and abilities along with likes and dislikes. Often we are placed in menial jobs as adults (if we are even deemed capable of working) and our support staff is switched around as if people are interchangeable and relationships do not matter to us. We are not often seen as people who have preferences, desires, abilities, skills and talents as the time and energy of others are focused on the meeting deficits and needs imposed by our disability.

Negative Outcome of Choosing Disability OR Difference

As an autistic person when I am asked to choose one – either “disability” or “difference” – I feel like I am being asked, in essence, which part of me I would like to ignore. When I choose “disability” it means my talents, strengths, abilities and preferences are ignored. When I choose “difference” my very real difficulties and needs are not only ignored, but I am often blamed for what others consider my stubbornness in hanging on to negative “character flaws.”

Might We Incorporate Both Disability AND Difference?

What if we all chose both disability and difference? Would we then be totally ignored or totally supported? There it is again – another dichotomous choice posed as if it were a real choice!

In the meantime, please know when you ponder whether autism is a disability or difference this is a false choice sort of deal. It serves nobody well and has poor outcomes. And yet we somehow feel that we need to choose between disability or difference.

Why is that?”

Written by Judy Endow.

See more at: http://ollibean.com/2014/06/20/autism-disability-difference/#sthash.NMT4ZQZ4.dpuf

Related posts: http://seventhvoice.wordpress.com/2013/10/11/autism-different-not-less-the-importance-of-belief-3/

http://seventhvoice.wordpress.com/2013/12/04/adapting-peggy-mcintoshs-paper-on-unpacking-the-invisible-knapsack-of-privilege-to-accommodate-and-reveal-how-neuro-typicality-constructs-its-own-unspoken-system-of-privileg/

http://seventhvoice.wordpress.com/2013/11/22/women-and-autism-how-one-womans-letter-to-a-psychologist-finally-helped-her-receive-an-asd-diagnosis-after-years-of-personal-invalidation/

http://seventhvoice.wordpress.com/2013/11/10/autism-form-an-adults-perspective-its-a-horrible-feeling-of-vulnerability-and-helplessness-to-know-that-the-non-autistic-world-sees-you-as-seriously-impaired/

http://seventhvoice.wordpress.com/2013/11/09/rising-to-meet-the-challenges-of-understanding-ourselves-as-autistics-in-a-non-autistic-world/