A major challenge that is presented to many Autists in today’s society is choosing just where it is they wish to stand within the Autism spectrum.
I can proudly claim my right to be an Aspie and not see this as a disability, or feel the need to change at all to fit into a non-aspergic world.
I can meet with others over the Internet, find a job where I don’t have to socialize with others, and indulge my favorite obsessions without messing anyone else’s life around.
At the other extreme, I can humbly acknowledge my crushing disability, and make extreme efforts to learn compensatory strategies that will help me become as “normal” as possible to fit in with everyone else.
Neither of these extremes suit me, and I’ve taken a middle position on the spectrum, which makes sense considering that I have a spectrum disorder!
I’m not sure whether or not having Autism is something that I should bother to analyze rationally by seeking a legally framed story of cause and effect to explain it away, or whether it’s just one of the unavoidable hammer-blows of fate?
Or even, perhaps, as some see it, a challenge from the gods, designed to shift me into a different mode of functioning?
I guess in a lot of ways, the difficulty of rising to meet the challenges of understanding ourselves, is no different for us auties and Aspies than it is for the “normal ones” .
The normals still have the luxury (or obstacle?) of being able to hold on to their comforting views of the world, of themselves, of the purpose of life: whereas we are foreigners in a strange world in which we are reminded a hundred times a day that we are visitors to this strange place.
But, could that become a strength?
We may be able to think outside the square – let’s face it, we have little choice, since the square may now be closed to us. My need for literal and straight communication meant I had to be skeptical about anything anyone said to me, go back to first principles and seek truth with logic – an unpopular quest in a social milieu where the admission ticket consists of already knowing and accepting the consensus view, however illogical or untruthful it may be.
Can we, whom the gods have chosen to bless with this challenge, make any positive sense of being on the autism spectrum, and painfully carve out a new direction? Was it a divine intervention to force us to learn a very different way of being to the way of most on this planet? Is it all karma for actions we perpetrated in a past life? Can we learn from our dire experiences some new compassion for the suffering many?
I haven’t yet completed the long process of making sense of it all, and it will probably take me some years.
But I have found that it helps to keep myself open to the possibility that I needed to learn something, probably many things, from the many unpleasant things that happened over the years – bullying, taunts at school, abusive father, social alienation, constant sacking from jobs to name a few. I hope to gain insights that will make me a better person in a spiritual sense, perhaps that the direction I had been headed in during my recent incarnations was in need of change, and that I needed to take on board some painful humility about the common suffering of humanity which will help me become a more giving, forgiving and compassionate person in the end.
- 10 Terrific Autistic Traits (seventhvoice.wordpress.com)
- Asperger’s Syndrome – Removed in theory but not in practice…… (seventhvoice.wordpress.com)
- ASD Diagnosis: the process for adults (seventhvoice.wordpress.com)
- Are we underdiagnosing autism in girls? (seventhvoice.wordpress.com)
- Women with Asperger’s Syndrome (seventhvoice.wordpress.com)
Mothers Day has always been an incredibly difficult day for me.
Filled as it is with mixed emotions but not for the reasons you might think.
It’s not a difficult day for me because I have a son with Autism or a daughter on the spectrum.
In many ways their presence here helps to counteract the whirlpool of emotions that this day normally stirs up in me.
Mother’s day is hard for me because I am, or at least I would have been, had everything gone to plan, the mother of seven children.
You see, four of my lovely ones never made it kicking and screaming into the light of this world.
So every Mothers Day I sit and I think about the babies that I never go to hold.
The faces I was never allowed to touch and love.
And I wonder what they would have looked like now as strapping young adults.
I wonder what their personalities would have been like and who they might now have been.
Would they have been artists or writers?
Would they have had that same broad grin that my middle son wears like a badge of honor?
Or those same amazing amber eyes as their sister?
Would they have been as tall as my living eldest son or more on the shorter side of life like me?
I guess it’s normal for mother’s like me to wonder and occasionally let ourselves dwell in the mystical land of ‘what could have been’.
I guess some would even say that I’m still grieving their loss and I yes, in a lot of ways I probably am and always will be.
I know that it has gotten easier with time.
Yet I will always remember that the awfulness, of breathing my way through every single Mother’s Day that left me unmarked and unacknowledged as a mother, during those years of enduring loss, were some of the most pain filled days I have ever known.
During those days I often used to wonder what to call myself.
After all what do you call a childless mother?
Common sense would say that there can be no such being as a childless mother and yet, there I was, every single Mothers Day for four years, struck numb by being exactly that which logic dictated I should not be.
A childless mother.
Despite that I knew, that even though I was a childless mother, I was still a mother.
Though my arms may have been empty, my heart was always full.
So to all the childless Mothers everywhere, I honor you, I recognize you and I declare with all my heart that;
You are now,
And you will always be,
- Be gentle with the childless on Mother’s Day (oursecretthoughts.wordpress.com)
- How many more mothers are childless today because our Congress isn’t brave enough to act? (momsrising.org)
- For the motherless and childless on Mother’s Day (hippiecahier.com)
- Mothers’ Day mourning (mymilkspilt.wordpress.com)
I rarely write about my middle child.
My youngest son who so willingly engages, Within in his own silent and peaceful universe.
The universe he’s created to escape the lack of attention he receives from me when ever I’m busy dealing with either the needs of my eldest son or the melt downs of my youngest daughter.
I know sometimes he thinks that I forget to see to him.
That I forget to listen to, or hear him.
Or that I forget to think of him and his needs amidst the daily jungle of our lives.
I’d like to say that he’s perspectives are neither accurate nor true,
I know that sometimes he’s right.
So in order to show him that I do see him,
That I do listen to him and think about him,
His interests and his needs,
I’ll often search the internet for amazing wildlife photos of the animals I know he loves and adores.
He is a child of nature.
And he loves all creatures big and small.
This is his way of coping.
And I love taking the time to see, appreciate and understand the sense of wonder that still exists within his precious soul.
And this is your mother’s way of saying she’s watching over and loving you just as much too <3
I see your true colors,
Even when others don’t!
Love isn’t in your eyes baby girl,
It’s in your heart.
- To the New Mother of a Baby with Down syndrome (not-alone.org)
- Beautiful – Infinite (Lyrics by Nam Woohyun) (mandyxxdrgn.wordpress.com)
Okay….. So today lets look at the positives of parenting a special needs child…….
- Mom organizes prom for kids with disabilities (kvue.com)
- 6 Secrets from a Special Needs Mom (blogher.com)
- 6 Secrets Special Needs Moms Know But WON”T Tell You (specialneedsmom.typepad.com)