Don’t Box Me In

We need to share more love in the world.

Not hate.

“I am tired of people continually putting others into boxes based on made up ideas of how they should be or what they should do.

We are all people, on different journeys with different values, ideas, different interests, sexuality, abilities/disabilities and neurology.

We are diverse.

And we are all worthy of love and acceptance.

I’m tired of conditional love and acceptance.

Let’s celebrate our differences and move towards acceptance of each other regardless of our differences.

Unconditional love all the way!

♥ stuff the boxes that others try to place us in!”

This post was written by a lovely woman whose had being judged by others up to ears. So open your hearts and listen to what it is she has to say. She’d like nothing more than for her message to go viral so please feel free to reblog and share this in as many places and as many times as you can. Thank you K for you wonder full words.

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To the parents of newly diagnosed autistics

Reblogged from The Caffeinated Autistic:

I've wanted to write something, anything, to the parents of those newly diagnosed for quite awhile. I feel like there are many well-intentioned parents who want to do what's right for their kids and above all, want to see them succeed, but just don't have the right information or tools in order to do this. This isn't the parents' fault. This is the fault of "professionals" and the media and how we talk about autism.

Read more… 1,151 more words

Yet another amazing blog post on parenting, autism and the power of acceptance.

Freedom and Acceptance

New Years Eve in Our Aspie/Autism House

Right now it’s New Years Eve in our little neck of the woods.

Most in our  town are out partying or celebrating somewhere among the myriad of venues that all promote a ‘fun filled family evening’ packed with bands, face painting  and fireworks.

For us, this means crowds and the chance of unwanted bodily contact with strangers. Not to mention the risk of  unexpected commotions and noises that are just too loud to accommodate sensitive ears, hearts and feelings.

So……

Instead of trying to look like the ‘cool family’ that’s always at the centre of everything that’s supposed to be fun and bright and normal, this year, I gave myself permission to be who I truly am, and admit to myself that I have no desire to be pushed, trampled on, or stared at by untold faces while my children and I try to the battle the  New Years Eve crowds.

My daughter, at first was not happy with this admission of truth,  but we talked it out, and it turned out, that all she really wanted to see were the fireworks.

So we compromised and I drove her to a quiet spot over looking the city and we watched the fireworks explode with all their color and splendor, as we oohed and ahhed,  from the comfort of our car.

Now as I type this, my daughter is sleeping soundly in her bed.

Whether she knows it or not, she’s more relaxed this New Years Eve than she’s been for a long, long time.

So I guess there is indeed something to be said for removing the weight of social expectations from all of our shoulders.

My son, as those familiar with Autism might have guessed,  would have had a huge melt down less than five minutes into the whole public celebratory ordeal at any rate, so he was delighted to be able to strip off his clothes, hop into bed and feed his on going X-Box addiction.

I for my part, am finally beginning to understand that it’s Okay to acknowledge where my own areas of discomfort are and that’s it’s Okay to say no to some of those socially accepted/constructed expectations of what a “happy family” should be doing on New Years Eve.

It’s Okay to admit that sometimes we’re all fragile in different ways  and it’s Okay to ask others to respect that fragility.

With that in mind, tonight, I can say for the first time in a very long time,  that snug and safe within the familiar surroundings of  our own home,  far away from the stress and the noise of ‘having a publicly acknowledged good time’, we are all both individually and collectively,  a very happy family.

So I say to everyone, everywhere, whether you’re celebrating by partying or quietly enjoying your own space and peace of mind…..

Have a very Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!

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Turning the Tide on Hatred

I read a post today from Posky at http://mattposky.wordpress.com/2012/06/19/achieving-social-repose-letting-others-have-a-gay-old-time/ that really struck a chord  with me.

As the mother of a teenager/young adult with Autism I am all too aware of the many prejudices that are out there, floating about in the stratosphere, for  no reason other than ignorance and the desire to judge others who hold  different ways of being in this world.

I firmly believe that difference of any kind should never be allowed to go unchecked as an excuse to engage in acts of discrimination and hate.

Posky’s approach to the levels of discrimination and hatred that many in the gay community face is one that not only shows the lunacy of acting out of hatred but also provides a platform that indicates the many personal benefits to be found in engaging each other from a place of acceptance.

I think his words on this matter translate just as effectively to those with Autism, Down Syndrome, cerebral Palsy or who experience any form of difference within our communities.

Here’s what Polsky has to say…

“Listen, it’s just easier to get through your day without hating people.

I can promise you that your own life will be richer if you stop worrying and just try to be cool with everyone.

You don’t have to go out and befriend anyone you don’t want to,

You don’t have to suddenly become an LGBT ally,

And you certainly don’t have to change your own lifestyle.

You don’t even have to change your opinion on homosexuality being a choice or not,

Because none of this gay stuff has anything to do with your life,

This is about other people.

You’re not in danger,

Your children aren’t in danger and your personal faith isn’t in danger.

You don’t have to be scared or angry about this.

There are a lot of other better things to be upset about, here is a short list:

-Overpopulation
-Wars
-Poverty
-Overeating
-Not dealing with your own problems
-Violent crime
-Diseases
-Drug addicted babies
-Inequality

Life is a struggle for all of us and the absolute least we can do is attempt to make it a little more bearable for each other.

Do yourself a service and take in the world as you see it,

Not as someone else has taught you to.

I am betting that, after a little practice, you’ll not only see things differently but more completely too.”

I completely agree with these sentiments and would add that, on the whole, people with Autism, like those in the gay community, are far from being either the biggest dangers or the largest economic drains in our society.

One really does have to question where all this hatred is coming from in the first place.

Is it based in religion?

I know much of the hatred that gay people face is indeed grounded in religious doctrine but what about Autism?

A brief history lesson reveals that the initial shunning and demonization of those with conditions such as Autism also sprang from the barren ground of an unforgiving religious belief that  those who were ‘mentally affected’ were possessed by the devil.

Isn’t it time to put away such childish notions?

Hasn’t science shown us enough now to persuade even the most zealous of  believers that these concepts have simply never been true?

They were born out of ignorance and superstition.

So why on earth are they being carried on today as if they held any rational meaning what so ever?

Just why is it that people who are said to have so much belief in a benevolent God seek to judge, condemn and harm others in such a fundamentally flawed way?

What is it exactly that they fear they will lose if they open their hearts to acceptance instead of hatred?

A seat in heaven?

Well I’d have to say, going by the amount of transgressions that take place on a daily basis, such as lying, cheating, stealing, adultery, jealousy, envy and  greed, that gaining a place in heaven along side a God who is apparently unable to forgive even the smallest of sins, would be a long shot, even for the best of us.

On the other hand, if you want or need to believe in a God who is merciful and filled with compassion, then how about you start emulating those characteristics yourself.

After all, I’m pretty sure that somewhere along the way, it is also a fundamental doctrine within religion to ‘treat others as you would be treated yourself’.

So why not start today?

Opening Up The World For Autism

Acceptance and understanding are the keys,

Ignorance is the lock,

We can all change the way the world views Autism

By opening up our  minds.

“Be the change you want to see in the world”

 

 

 

 

 

Autism: Cause and Effect- Are we confusing the issues?

For many within the Autism community any attempts to find a causal connection for Autism are seen as some form of insult . As if seeking answers in some way denies people experiencing Autism their identity or devalues their different ways of being in the world. For me as a parent I can tell you that this simply is not true. I seek answers because I  want to better understand how my son relates to this world.

I’m not seeking to eradicate Autism or cure my son. I love him just the way he is thank you very much. To my mind, if we can understand exactly what causes Autism (if indeed anything one thing at all does) and how Autism effects individuals then we can gain more insight into what it is our children truly experience and what it is they truly need, not just from us as parents, but from society as a whole.

Isn’t that worth knowing?

I think it is and I have to admit that I honestly don’t see  how seeking to obtain such knowledge  either denies an individual with Autism their identity or subsumes their right to be who they are,  as they are?

As parent’s we are usually the only voices calling for the rights of our children to be upheld in real world, day to day  terms.  As parent’s we are often also amongst the strongest voices demanding that society accepts and honours our children for who they are, however they are,  as they climb into adulthood.

As parents we are united on so many different fronts and yet the Autism community itself appears to be divided on this and many other issues.  To the point where parent’s  are now being categorized  as falling into any one or more of several different camps.

-Those who believe Autism to be a natural human condition and those who do not.

-Those who pesue the concept of a cure and those do not.

- Those who are anti-vaccine and those who are not.

- Those who feel the need to seek answers and those who do not.

I find these endlessly occurring divisions to be nothing short of futile when the main commonality that we all share is that we  love, accept and cherish our children, teenagers and adults with or without Autism.

There is simply too much confusion being generated by the insidious ways the debates surrounding the cause and effects of Autism are being framed up. The truth is that you can equally find yourself in all the above listed camps at one time or another.  As it is many of us have a foot in two or more camps.  No matter the juxtaposition at play no one camp can claim exclusive rights to either the experience of or understanding of Autism.

Despite claims to the contrary, no one is denying their child anything by seeking to love, support, and understand the aetiology of their child’s Autism.

To think otherwise is to follow the misnomer of division which equally creates and perpetuates the type of pure conjecture that many within the Autism community are currently experiencing.

Isn’t it time we all sought to support each other?

Just think…

If there were a definitive answer as to what causes autism and a clear logical pathway to understanding both the effects and  the experience of Autism….

What would it change?

Would it change the way you love your children?

Would it change the amount of love you have for your children?

Chances are the only thing it might change may be the way others in society respond to and understand your children.

Would that really be such a bad thing?

This Waking Life : Learning how to Swim in The Ocean of Autism

She wanted to hear him speak. To say the word“Mum” instead of “nnnnh”. She wanted to be more than just a sound in his mouth. She wanted to be a whole noun.  She wanted the nuance and the meaning of it to fill her ears and let her know that he at least knew who she was and that she did indeed mean something to him. She wanted to hear joy and laughter falling from his lips. Not the sounds of anger and frustration that too readily constituted his vocabulary.

She wanted so much for him, of him, from him. But most of all she simply wanted to know him. To feel his emotions and understand his thoughts. She wanted to run her hands through his mind. To untangle all the misplaced knots that held him so bound up inside himself. To reconnect all the disconnected synapses that short circuited his world and left her floundering in a sea of unknown origins and misunderstood currents. She wanted to swim in the tide of her son. To be a part of that which no moon held sway over. For he seemed to her to come in and out of himself on a whim.

She found no rhyme or reason for his demands, fears or peculiar likes. Everything about him to her was a compound mystery. She constantly felt he was a haunted house. The structure, the main body of which, was sound but that something un-named was adrift in the attic. Shaking the foundations of his life. Sending furniture like thoughts flying around his head, following their own kind of bizarre and intricately crafted, maze of other worldly logic.

She used to dream that one day he would simply look up at her and say one complete and glorious sentence. Bang, out of the blue. Just like that. But he never did. Even the act of smelling flowers was a mystery to him. He constantly put the flower under his chin. As if he really believed that his chin was the part of his body that could best enjoy the flowers fragrance rather than his nose.

She bowed her head as she watched him aimlessly pulling up fist fulls of grass, mechanically, one, after, the, other from the ground.  She found herself thinking again how truly lovely it would be to be able to walk into the garden of his mind. To hear his thoughts and to really know his fears and joys instead of always having to guess at them and hope that she was reading him right.

‘How much easier life would be if it were just like in the movies,’ she thought, as a tear traced its way down her face. She wished she could somehow plug into his universe. Then he could show her his world from the inside and she, in turn, could show him the world as she saw it. But life wasn’t a TV show and she knew no amount of wishing would make it so. The only actor in this play was her.

She presented to the world a jovial face and a warm smile, while inside, she felt every single dream that she had ever held for her son dying as the beginning of acceptance wound its way around her heart. He was different. He did have autism. She knew this first moment was always going to be hard. She hated herself for feeling as if her son were missing. She hated that there was no reason for his condition. She found herself staring resentfully at other mothers wanting nothing more than the assurances of health and safety  that their ‘normal’ children gave them. So many resentments in so little time. Their layers falling like blankets over her.

She was at a loss as to know how to explain, even to herself, why the world that she so dearly wanted to share with her son felt so totally gone. The passing down of her favourite child hood stories and the sharing of the animated version of ‘Kimba the White Lion’  seemed somehow to be more than far away.  Such simple things and yet….

She tried to blink back her tears of loss and frustration but they kept flowing. Following the crevices of worry already etched into her skin like the tattoos of belonging. Her mind kept asking, ‘how could life distort itself so?’ She felt like she’d been thrown in to the deep end of life and all she’d been able to do was tread water and try to stay afloat. She didn’t want to float. She didn’t want her son to live a life of floating. She didn’t want him to live a series of rote-learnt achievements, or role-played scenarios. She didn’t want him to only ever know his world through a set of computer- generated pictures velcroed to a carpeted board. That was no way to learn any thing. Let alone a life.

In that small moment of clarity, buried so deeply beneath all of the things that she didn’t want for her son, she found herself to be a mother. A mother who knew that she needed to thrash her arms and kick her legs.  A mother who knew that she needed to learn how to swim in the ocean of autism. That simply floating was never going to work. That her son too was afloat and he needed her to teach him how to swim.

Suddenly it didn’t matter that he couldn’t call her ‘mum’. It didn’t matter that he smelt flowers with his chin. It didn’t matter that their life together would be different. All that mattered was teaching him how to swim.