Taking the Good with the Bad. Learning how to find the positives in negative blog comments.

The Sportsmanship of Cyber-warfare ...item 2.....

If there’s one thing I’ve learned through some of the negative comments I’ve received on my posts over the past few months, it’s how to find the positives in negative feedback.

Now trust me, in order for me to this, it took an extraordinary amount of effort and there were often times when I would find myself coming back to the same negative comments again and again in order to try to figure out just what it was about them that triggered some sore point within me.

Sometimes this process took  weeks and in one particular case ,even months, of reading and re-reading the words of others in order to try to understand their perspectives on issues that seemed either so clear, or so personal to me, that the differences of opinions expressed by others cut me deeply.

Given that I write, as I do, on some very personal and complex issues, a negative comment can and often does feel somewhat akin to a slap across the face to me.

The words of others can sting me far harder than any bee ever could.

Never-the-less, over the last few months,  I’ve come to realize that not all negative comments are necessarily bad.

Sure they may feel as if they are at the time, but, if you take the time to give yourself some distance and really allow yourself to delve into those words, then sometimes, just sometimes, you may find yourself coming out of it all with a new, or even just a slightly altered, perspective.

Through this approach I’ve come to understand that sometimes the comments that I’d at first considered to be negative and hurtful, were just in point fact, showing me a very different way of thinking about issues, than the ways I normally would.

For me, reaching this level of understanding has been helpful.

Dare I say it, even insightful.

So the next time you receive a negative comment on any of your blog posts, or even a comment that you don’t fully understand, providing of course that it’s not witless spam, instead of trashing it, just hold it over for a few days and give the words within it a chance to sink in.

You may just find a small glimmer of wisdom hidden within all the  negativity that you hadn’t been able to see before.

Of course having said that, you will always get some negative comments that simply are just that, negative comments, designed to be either disrespectful or hurtful.

In a lot of ways, such comments will always come as part and parcel of being willing to put yourself out there by blogging.

The trick to it all is to figure out which negative comments you are reacting too most strongly and then to give yourself the time, permission and willingness to  try to figure out what it is about those particular comments that impact on you so keenly.

You may find that they strike at some inner conviction that you’ve held so deeply inside of you that you’d become almost unaware that you’d even been holding it until that bell was rung or that chord was struck inside of you, by a  negative comment.

You may also find, as I have recently, that having a different opinion on something is not in and of itself  necessarily a negative and that sometimes these differences of opinion can show you new and useful ways of thinking about old situations.

Just remember, not everyone who questions your ideas is necessarily doing you harm, and  that similarly, not everyone who agrees with you is necessarily helping you to gain any deeper understanding of either yourself or your situation.

Words Cloud 02/01-08/02 2009

Happy blogging everyone :)

 

Reblogging is best, the rest is just theft.

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Share if you care,

Or quote if you must,

But if you truly wish,

To honor my words,

 And show your respect,

Then please try to apply,

The bloggers motto I live by,

Reblogging is best,

The rest is just theft.

 

It’s my blog Anniversary so I’m going to celebrate by praising you……….

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Today my blog turns one!

Which means, you’ve all been putting up with my intrusion into the reams of WordPress and muddling through with my mix of words, thoughts and opinions for one whole year.

Dear, kind, patient you.

So today, instead of celebrating me, I’m going to celebrate you.

That’s right you!

Starting with a big and heart-felt hurrah for the first people to ever follow my blog;

http://fivereflections.wordpresss.com

http://mesayah.wordpress.com

http://catastraspie.wordpress.com

http://truelovejunkie.wordpress.com

http://myraysoflight.wordpress.com

http://creativeworksbyamy.wordpress.com

http://aslankanshaw.wordpress.com

http://thespiderframmanager.wordpress.com

http://silverpoetry.worpress.com

http://emcmemoir.worpress.com

And last, but by no means certainly not least, the amazing Sharmishtha Basu at http://coloursandwordswaltz.wordpress.com and Missus Tribble at http://rosewinelover.wordpress.com.

To these lovely bloggers, whose early comments let me know that I wasn’t just lost and alone, floating aimlessly adrift in a sea of blogs, but instead being read and understood, I say thank you.

I’d also like to propose a big  birthday toast to the many wonderful bloggers whose words I’ve been following regularly since day dot for my weekly dose of inspiration. So here they are;

http://dpwoman.wordpress.com

http://arhythmrunsthroughit.wordpress.com

http://midnighthues.wordpress.com

http://supertuksmama.wordpress.com

http://kiramoorescloset.wordpress.com

http://soumyav.wordpress.com

http://mandysmutterings.wordpress.com

http://paulaacton.wordpress.com

http://mafiahairdresser.wordpress.com

http://justanothermanicmommy.wordpress.com

http://girlwithpen1118.wordpress.com

http://violetsdiary.wordpress.com

http://butimbeautiful.wordpress.com

http://momwithhearingloss.wordpress.com

http://unispiredrevolution.wordpress.com

http://pendryw.wordpress.com

http://thoughtsfromtheoutdoors.wordpress.com

http://boomiebol.wordpress.com

http://carlarenee45.wordpress.com

Some of these bloggers are poets, some deep thinkers, some are fellow mother’s embarking on their own journey’s but all of them, without doubt, have that happy knack for transforming their observational skills into wonderfully insightful and at times humorous blogs.

Speaking of talented bloggers, I’d also like to give a special shout out to those bloggers, whose moments of brilliance I’ve only discovered more recently.

http://shinnypebbles.wordpress.com

http://sharingmemyselfandi.wordpress.com

http://postcardsfromtheedgeofthespectrum.wordpress.com

http://selasiebulmo.wordpress.com

http://hopethehappyhugger.wordpress.com

http://lovingmartians.com

http://silentlyheardonce.wordpress.com

http://moonbeammcqueen.wordpress.com

http://deknarf.wordpress.com

http://dragoneystory.wordpress.com

http://kattermonran.wordpress.com

http://anautismdad.wordpress.com

http://justspokenthoughts.wordpress.com

http://stuffitellmysister.wordpress.com

http://creativeliz.wordpress.com

http://didiearnasmile.wordpress.com

http://coffeepoweredmom.wordpress.com

http://amoonfull.wordpress.com

http://myaspiefiles4444.wordpress.com

http://ladylovelyblogger.wordpress.com

http://mindretrofit7.wordpress.com/

http://ktjane69.wordpress.com

http://aspermums.wordpress.com

http://busymindthinking.com

http://stillwaterflyfishing.wordpress.com

http://insightspace.wordpress.com

http://dragnongirl0.wordpress.com

If you haven’t checked out any of these brilliant blog sites I would encourage you to.

Yes I know, I’m asking a lot of you and I am sorry that this list of amazing bloggers is so long but hey, it’s my party,  so I figure I may as well take this chance to praise who I want too.

And of course last but not least, I’d like to say a big thank you to WordPress for hosting me.

Cheers and happy blogging to you all.

Freshly Pressed

Would you like to know how to write a blog article worthy of being Freshly Pressed on Word Press?

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Well here’s a little secret, so would I.  So I’ve done a little bit of research and apparently getting the Golden Nod all starts with receiving an e-mail  in your in box, telling you that your words of wisdom have been blessed by the Gods at Freshly Pressed.

Here’s a list of articles written by those who have been so blessed, detailing  what they did  and how it all happened for them.

Related articles

¡Frescamente espichada! Mejor dicho, Freshly Pressed! (vocabat.com)

Painting on the Street (sketchesandjottings.wordpress.com)

Badly Messed? or Freshly Pressed? (tryingtowriteit.com)

Coming Out as a Blogger (via Freshly Pressed) (ridingbitchblog.com)

Journey into Awesome Has Been Featured on Freshly Pressed! (journeyintoawesome.wordpress.com)

Starve a Cold, Feed a Freshly Pressed Fever (lornasvoice.com)

The Night I Lost My Virginity (mancakestheblog.wordpress.com)

A Question of Pressing Importance (theoutliercollective.wordpress.com)

In the mean time, if you have any tips, resources or insider knowledge on how exactly to achieve this much coveted blogging feat, please feel free to share your secrets to success by letting us all know how to do it.

Copy And Paste A Blogging Disgrace

Those who can’t do

Copy and paste,

Acting as it if were nothing,

To steal the original works,

Those of us who can do,

Struggle to create,

Posting all of truths,

In trust and in good faith,

These thieves of our works,

Fail to understand,

That in acting in such haste,

They are too often robbing our words,

Of their reason,

Their meaning,

Their grace,

Some say it’s a legitimate way,

For the non-creative to behave,

But I think it equates,

To a shameful act,

Of blogging treason,

And an absolute disgrace.

Blogging and Copy Right Do we really own our words on the Internet?

Symbol for copy & paste problem on the English...

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

To me this is a puzzling question. In the days before blogging, when words were written securely on paper and the issue of copy right was as easy to deal with as posting your own work to yourself through the mail, we all knew exactly where we stood.

But is it the same today?

Well in theory yes. One should always retain the right to their own intellectual work. No doubt about that, but in practice on the internet,  I don’t see how the ideal of copy right can actually apply.

If I post a poem on my blog site, just  what mechanisms are there in place to prevent someone else from copying and pasting it on to their own blog site or their computer and claiming it as their own?

What if others engage in the age-old literary practice of taking a line from one of my poems and construct their own work from it? Are they stealing  my words? Or are they stealing  my ideas? Or both?

This question has vexed the literary community for years, hence the creation of intellectual Copy Right in the first place.  Yet as far as I’m aware there can be no copy right on ideas, only words that have actually been written.

So Copy Right on the internet can only extend to the written word, but is it even doing that?

I know  the first time I saw one of my own poems cut and pasted onto another’s blog post ,  I was genuinely taken aback.

To be honest it did not make me feel particularly good. Especially considering that the person who had copied it had not left a comment nor notified me in any other way that they had done so.

This left me questioning just how protected are the creative works that any of us  post on the internet?

It also lead me to another broader question which is,  can there really be such a thing as intellectual ownership, if we are prepared to give our words away for free in our blog posts?

When I really thought about it, I came to the conclusion, that as long as my work is always credited back to me, then I’m okay with others copying it.

My rational for this decision in the end was incredibly simple.

If I weren’t posting my poems on the internet, the chances that anyone else would ever  see them would be incredibly slim.

When I really take the time to consider why it is that I continue to write and share my words on the internet, it becomes clear to me that I do so because  I wish to give voice to  my own experiences. The issue of Copy Right in this sense doesn’t really come into it. Although like everyone else I would prefer that credit be given where ever that credit is due.

So I’ve decided, that despite the dubiousness of Copy Right on the internet, I would sooner share my words than remain silent on the issues that affect my life.

The other question that struck me is,  just who am I on the internet anyway?

A faceless name? A pseudonym? A pseudonym, that should anyone choose to look it up, would not lead inexorably back to me, the person behind the words.

Given this, how on earth would the internet pseudonym that is me,  ever be able to  prove ownership of my work anyway?  And if I cannot prove my words are my own then how can I expect to protect them through Copy Right ?

To me the answers to these questions are still unclear.

Although I have seen a few bloggers  trying to address this issue by stating that the works on their blog site are covered by Copy Scape.

Yet when I checked Copy Scape I found that you could simply cut and paste the logo without actually employing the Copy Scape system.  I think the term ‘as safe as houses’ may apply here. I also found that the use of Copy Scape involved a fee (if anyone  reading this is using Copy Scape could you please let me know how effective it is and whether or not you would recommend it?).

So all these questions regarding Copy Right and the overall lack of clarity surrounding their answers, have led me to consider  just what the correct protocol should be when  incorporating another bloggers work into your own blog?

Is it okay to copy and paste  entire works, such as poems, onto your own blog?

Does  providing a name or a  link back to the original author make it okay to reproduce another’s work without prior permission?

Is hitting the  reblog button simply the most ethically correct way to go  when it comes to sharing the works of others?

What method of sharing do you prefer when it comes to others distributing your work?

 

The Fine Art of Blog Commenting Creating A Commenting Policy

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I’ve decided that commenting on  blogs  is indeed an art form.

One that requires sensitivity, honesty, humor, gentleness  and most of all respect and understanding.

Comments have the power  to either attract others to your blog or turn them off completely. If you Let your blog  become a free for all for everyone else’s opinions or advertising links you may find that your  genuine readers will decline to post comments at all.

Good comments speak for themselves and can generate further thoughts and additional comments by others seeking to explore or understand the same issues.

Good comments also speak loudly for your blog.

They show that you are an authentic blogger who is genuinely interested in exploring issues respectfully and with integrity.

Bad comments on the other hand often mean that not only you, but your readers as well, will be forced to wade through endlessly irrelevant words that add nothing to the thoughts contained within your original post.

This can greatly dissuade other readers from commenting.

I don’t know about you, but often, if I have a comment that I would like to make on another’s post, but find that there are already 20 or so previous comments that have taken the issue off track, I will choose not to post a response.

Your blog readers may be as tired as you are of dealing with those who don’t think, or are abusing your  comments section either intentionally or unintentionally.

Your reader’s time is as precious to them  as yours is to you. So why make your readers have to wade through innocuous or irrelevant comments?

Especially when many readers won’t comment immediately after a superfluous or derogatory comment.

Bloggers are discerning readers and  they deserve to be able to read a comment thread that is free of abusive language and obtuse or rude comments.

One very important reason to keep your blog’s comments section clear and respectful is  that the better the content of the comments, the more integrity your blog has.

As such, the way in which you tend to your comments reflects you as a blogger.

So how do you keep your comments section clear and concise?

Creating a Commenting Policy

According to http://www.blogherald.com/2007/08/16/time-wasting-blog-comments-comments-policies-and-comment-etiquette/  commenting is an art form that you can encourage your readers to engage in thoughtfully by creating a Commenting Policy.

A commenting policy lists the conditions you expect commenters to abide by on your site.

So here are the top 3 things I would like commenters to abide by on my site.

Firstly please  take the time to read and understand the full  blog post before commenting.

Please stay on topic. Even if you disagree with something I’ve written and would like to give examples of counter opinions please do try to stay on track. I find comments that wander off into other areas confusing.

Please try to be respectful of others experiences and views at all times.

Commenting No No’s

Please do not leave comments that are filled with personal links.

I cannot stress this enough, so please do not fill the space I give you for your comments with links to your own blog site. Readers will be able to see who you are by your blog name when you make a  comment and they will decide for themselves by the quality of your comment whether or not they wish to look you up.

To be perfectly clear on this, my blog is the genuine expression of my own experiences and views. I would really appreciate it if you would treat is as such.

Top 3 things that may see your comment deleted.

Attacking other bloggers. Please do not  use my site to attack other bloggers.

By all means question my content if you feel the need too,  but I will not tolerate attacks on either myself or other bloggers.

Being overtly hostile toward or denigrating my views will also prevent me from posting your views.

Respect is a two-way street and there are a multitude of appropriate ways to challenge my perspectives. Being rude is not one of them.

To all those wonderful bloggers who regularly take the time to comment on my posts, please know that I welcome, appreciate and value your views.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this = )

 

How do you deal with uncomfortable comments?

Leave A Comment??????

Share With Me…..

Let Me Know What You Think…..

One thing I have noticed with blogging is that there are some bloggers who always seem to leave beautifully appropriate responses and others who seem to continuously attempt to challenge and in some cases denigrate the opinions or experiences expressed within original post.

Whilst I will always be open to genuine responses to my posts  that invite me to view my topics in a different light , I still find I have a problem with those  comments designed to hijack the overall intent of a post.

Especially when in doing  so  some individuals attempt to embed and reinforce their own individual views by insisting that their own didactic preferences are the only legitimate ways to properly discuss a topic.

I find that such responses make me feel incredibly uncomfortable and leave me wondering why on earth some commenter’s, who may feel strongly to the contrary regarding an issue I discuss, simply do not create a post of their own on the topic.

Rather than leaving me in a quandary as to whether or not I should approve their response or apply my own personal discretion and leave their responses un-aired?

The thing that bugs me about having to make such a decision is the knowledge that in choosing not to air another bloggers response I’m effectively censoring my blog.

This was an issue that I had never even considered when I first started blogging until it was brought home to me by the posting of a few comments that seemed either totally off track or sounded somewhere in the vicinity of hostile.

Now this may sound silly, but I simply did not know what to do with such comments when I first started.

Over time I’ve discovered that you can edit the responses of another and occasionally I will choose to do this if the response is primarily appropriate with a just a few potentially insulting words. On the whole though, I would prefer not to have to do this.

The other option of course is simply ‘trashing’ the comment all together. Once again this is another choice that makes me feel uncomfortable but I’ve decided that airing a comment that I myself find offensive serves no one.

Least of all me and it is my blog.

There are few enough spaces in this world where my wants and sense of propriety are taken into account. For me blogging allows a space in which to do this. If that means leaving out a few comments here and there, then I am willing to do this to maintain the integrity of my blog of as a whole.

Does anyone else out there in the blogosphere find it disturbing when faced with the dilemma of what to do with a blog comment that makes you feel comfortable?

How do you deal with it?

 

Blog Award Thanks For Writing

Thank you so much to the lovely Soumyav at http://soumyav.wordpress.com/ , Cloudbourne at  http://cloudborne.wordpress.com/ and Melody at http://melodylowes.com/ for  honoring me with this beautiful award.

For those of you who are yet to experience the wonderfully powerful poetry of Soumyav I encourage you to pop in and check out her blog.

Soumyav’s words and kindness of heart show through in every post that she shares.

I would also encourage you to share in the power of cloudbornes and melodylowes poetry and writing.

I’d also like to share the love by nominating a few amazing bloggers whose posts regularly touch my heart.

http://threepuzzlepieces.wordpress.com/

http://autisticson.wordpress.com/

http://mindretrofit7.wordpress.com/

http://fivereflections.wordpress.com/

http://specialneedsjungle.com/

http://rlbk75.wordpress.com/

http://itsallinadaysinsanity.wordpress.com/

http://carlarenee45.wordpress.com/

As always there are far too many talented bloggers to nominate in just one post.

Luckily for me I have been fortunate enough to receive a few other blog awards so over the next few weeks I will be posting and nominating as many wonderful bloggers as I can.  

Thank you once again to soumyav , cloudborne and melodylowes  for honoring me by sharing the love with this award <3