Asperger’s Syndrome – It’s not how you look, it’s what you see….

Artwork by Brandon Scott

Artwork by Brandon Scott

“You cannot determine a person’s intellectual capacity, personality, political view or personal interests,” based on their appearance alone.

Nor can you accurately “assess a person’s character by noting whether or not they are fit, fat, frail, thin, old, young, able-bodied, disabled, black, white, tattooed, male or female.” Quotes from T. Moss

It is entirely irrational to believe that one can judge the character of another person, based purely on their appearance.

We know this.

Yet there are still so many people out there who believe that they can judge the capacity of an individual with Asperger’s Syndrome / Autism, to feel love, joy, compassion and empathy, based on little more than an observation of our facial expressions or the focus of our eyes.

Please stop doing this.

We’ve already explained to you, that for us, making eye contact can be difficult and that often, our internal feelings do not match our external expressions.

So please stop judging us based solely on your interpretation of our appearances.

Or haven’t you heard?

‘Appearances can be deceiving.’

And we should know, because you’re the ones who taught us that.

When it comes to plastering on a  ‘fake smile’ and pretending that ‘there’s nothing wrong’,  you guys are the experts.

Not us.

Never-the-less, we’re not judging you.

Or calling you cold-hearted liars, simply because you can all smile, without even wanting too.

You see,  life has already taught us that sometimes in this world, it’s not how you look, but what you see, that makes all the difference.

So try seeing us differently.


Thank you.


Acknowledging the Rights of Young Adults with Autism to Feel and Express Love

heart exploding abstract

Dear Support Services,

It has come to my attention that there’s an aspect of providing support for Young Adults with Autism that you clearly, as yet, do not fully comprehend.

So let me enlighten you.

Young Adults with Autism are first, and foremost, Young Adults.

This means that like all Young Adults everywhere on the face of this earth, they will be experiencing the same confusing hormones, feelings and emotions, that combine together to create the mystic soup called ‘Love’.

Young Adults with Autism are no different to anyone else.

They wish to both give love and to receive love in return.

There is nothing, what so ever, wrong, with their desire to do so.

The only area of ‘wrongness’ in this situation can be found within the barriers, rules and regulations support organizations try to put in place, specifically to ‘curtail’, the very normal responses of a group of Young Adults who all spend time with each other on a daily basis.

Young Adults with Autism, or indeed Young Adults with any form of recognized ‘disability’, are not criminals serving ‘hard time’ for crimes against humanity.

They are Young Adults and just like every other Young Adult in the world, they are simply trying to navigate their way through life.

Their desires to love and be loved do not constitute criminal offenses.

So why do so many support organizations display such an overwhelming propensity towards ‘revoking’, ‘denying’ or ‘banning’ the very human rights of the people they are supposed to be supporting?

And who decided that support organizations should have the capacity to ‘ban’ any and all expressions of a Young Adults need to feel loved?

It is clear to me that such antiquated ‘fear mongering’ in the form of ‘rules that seek to deny Young Adults the right to behave like Young Adults,’ actually do nothing to support the growing needs of the first en mass wave of Young Autistic Adults now entering our society.

For this reason it is crucial that we speak up.

We cannot, either as a society or as individuals, encourage the belief in our Young Adults that they have the same rights as everyone else whilst allowing support agencies to continue to put strategies in place aimed at negating our Young Adults rights to express Love.

It’s up to us to speak up.

To say to those who are working within Support Agencies:

Please stop trying to ‘legislate against’, ‘contain’, ‘remove’, ‘ban’ or in any other way stymie or deny the rights of Young Adults with Autism to ‘Fall in Love’, ‘date’ or ‘fraternize’ with each other, within your organizations.

It is not your job to ‘prevent’, ‘curb’ or ‘deny’ Young Adults with Autism, their very human right to engage in, or experiment with, their desires to experience romantic Love.

It is, however, your job to provide them with the additional supports they require in order to be able to spread their wings and fly independently within every possible area of their lives.

And not just those areas of their lives that support agency staff feel comfortable in acknowledging.

Young Adults with Autism hold the capacity and the desire to both love and be loved.

Isn’t it time we demanded that our support services acknowledge this truth and work accordingly to both accommodate and support our Young Adults with Autism in every aspect of their lives.

No Longer Invisible Darling Girl


No Longer Invisible Darling Girl….. a beautifully written expression of what it’s really like for a mother to walk alongside her daughter on the pathway towards a diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome……

Originally posted on A View From My Summerhouse:

It’s been bad. It’s heavy. Bring on whatever it has to be, I can take it, but please don’t let my daughter suffer.  There is nothing worse than watching your children go through the hell of despair.

Today I wanted to write a light-hearted post about the birds visiting my garden, about my cats, about the lovely rain and the sunshine, but I cannot.  The words evade me.  I am lost inside a murky shadowland, staggering about looking for some kind of light, any kind of light.

My daughter suffers, entrapped in a world of isolation, hopelessness and yes, rage, that only someone with Aspergers can understand.  I am her mother and I think I understand, but I don’t, not really, though Lord above, how I try.

I try to explain to people what it really means for her to have Aspergers.  Yes, she went to school, gained a handful…

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A Different Life – By Donna Woods


Before you were born
 I imagined how it would be
 And what I'd say to you
 And what you would say to me
I pictured what we would do
 And I planned what life would hold
 But all of that had to change
 The day that I was told
A different life awaited us
 From the one that I had thought
 And a lesson in Autism
 Was going to be taught
Things would be difficult
 And times could be tough
 I would sometimes wonder
 Why my love is just not enough
But then I'd come to realise
 That the journey that we're on
 Is just a different route
 And it sometimes may feel long
I'd have to think of other ways
 To meet the dreams I'd planned
 Autism had placed me
 In a new and mysterious land
We could still have fun
 And we could still learn
 Even if some days
 I didn't know which way to turn
Although life was different
 I'd make sure it was complete
 I wouldn't give up on life
 And I wouldn't admit defeat
There would still be a world out there
 For us to seek and explore
 And for you I would do anything
 My special child who I adore
Before you were born
 I planned our life together
 And I'll be there to hold your hand
 Today, tomorrow and forever

© Donna Woods 2013

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“Love isn’t in your eyes baby girl, it’s in your heart”


I see your true colors,

Even when others don’t!

Love isn’t in your eyes baby girl,

It’s in your heart.


Tammy Faye.

External Hearts

As parents of special needs children,

We  have to learn to stand back,

To let our lovely ones,

Learn to begin to climb their own walls.

Yet this is so much easier said,

Than it ever will be done.

For having a child with Autism,

Is like living a life,

With your heart,

Constantly beating,

Outside of the safety,

Of your chest.

We are always so emotionally exposed.

No matter how strong we think we are,

Just a few unkind words,

Uttered toward or about our child,

Can pierce us in all of our softest places,

In ways,

That others may never,


Perhaps this is why every barb,

Whether intentional or otherwise,

Leaves it’s mark.

So please understand that it’s hard for us,

All of this stepping back,

And letting go,

For our children are not just,

 A part of us,

They are,

Our very,